Concerned Family...
Received via email. Is this familiar to anyone?
Hello,
I'm not sure if you're who I should direct this letter too, but if not, if you could direct it to someone else? I would really appreciate it.
My sister is currently on multiple anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications, plus some to help her sleep. Despite the medication, she has anxiety that won't resolve and frequent migranes. We think a lot of her stress is due to the church she has been attending. Almost 6 years ago my sister moved to Pullman to attend college. She'd always been pretty quiet and never had a large group of friends, so we were happy when she said she was attending a church down there and had made many friends through it. However, the more she talked about it, the more uncomfortable my family was with the church. Her activities in the church began to take over her life. Whenever we tried to talk to her about it, she just brushed it off and said she'd finally found a church where she really wanted to participate. To us, however, it seemed like the church was drawing her in and not allowing her the time to make friends or participate in activities outside of it. At one time, she was even set on going to an African country deep in war on a service mission. She said the church told her she'd been called to go. She hadn't felt called, they told her she was. Luckily, it ended up not working out for her to go. The past six years have been agonizing as we recognized there was something not right about this situation, but were powerless to change things. Now, thankfully, she has decided the city does not allow her to finish the training needed in her career and she will be moving back home in a few weeks. We are ecstatic that she's leaving the church and cannot wait for her to come home. I don't know how deeply this church has affected her over the past years, and I want to be able to help her get over some of the things that have been impressed into her.
After this long ramble, my question is, do you have any advice on helping someone who has just left the church? I think she's still a big fan of them. I like to think that she will just magically be okay, but I worry that may not be true. Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated.
Hello,
I'm not sure if you're who I should direct this letter too, but if not, if you could direct it to someone else? I would really appreciate it.
My sister is currently on multiple anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications, plus some to help her sleep. Despite the medication, she has anxiety that won't resolve and frequent migranes. We think a lot of her stress is due to the church she has been attending. Almost 6 years ago my sister moved to Pullman to attend college. She'd always been pretty quiet and never had a large group of friends, so we were happy when she said she was attending a church down there and had made many friends through it. However, the more she talked about it, the more uncomfortable my family was with the church. Her activities in the church began to take over her life. Whenever we tried to talk to her about it, she just brushed it off and said she'd finally found a church where she really wanted to participate. To us, however, it seemed like the church was drawing her in and not allowing her the time to make friends or participate in activities outside of it. At one time, she was even set on going to an African country deep in war on a service mission. She said the church told her she'd been called to go. She hadn't felt called, they told her she was. Luckily, it ended up not working out for her to go. The past six years have been agonizing as we recognized there was something not right about this situation, but were powerless to change things. Now, thankfully, she has decided the city does not allow her to finish the training needed in her career and she will be moving back home in a few weeks. We are ecstatic that she's leaving the church and cannot wait for her to come home. I don't know how deeply this church has affected her over the past years, and I want to be able to help her get over some of the things that have been impressed into her.
After this long ramble, my question is, do you have any advice on helping someone who has just left the church? I think she's still a big fan of them. I like to think that she will just magically be okay, but I worry that may not be true. Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated.
12 comments:
First of all do not do not do not tell her you are so glad that she is free. Let her realize on her own what has happened to her. She will and it will be painful. she may hate herself for letting that happen to her she may hate God, she may be bitter. Most of all love her. Do not judge. She thought she was in God's will. She thought she was hearing God. Support her and let her come to terms on her own. I didn't realize how bad the church was until I was gone a year. So just support her.
Counseling...counseling...counseling...did you hear COUNSELING??
It took us years to realize the depth of the manipulation we had allowed in our lives, so don't be surprised if it takes awhile for your sister. Surround her with love and healthy relationships. Be prepared with counseling when she is ready for it. Check out the books recommended on this website. Pray.
Don't push her into counseling until she is ready.
Electroshock therapy and alcohol.
Possibly, one of the best things you can do for her is to listen to her and ask her questions to draw out her thoughts (non-judmentally). I left LFF on good terms, not even feeling at first like I had escaped. Gradually as time went on I began to see more clearly. A huge lie that was perpetuated when I was there was that LFF is one of the only (maybe the only) place where there are true, 100 percent committed Christians. I was shocked to find that there were other Christians in the world - that LFF did not have the corner on spirituality and truth. You don't say whether you are a Christian or not, but if she can eventually meet other sincere, non-threatening Christians, she may find some healing. I know nothing about the kinds of medications that she is on, but it sounds serious.
Take her to a different church, one where the message is love, not politics and conformity. It will be a stunning realization for her when she realizes how God really is love. However, like many of us, she may never trust pastors or church leadership ever again.
Read through this blog, and you'll have an idea of the variety of experiences that we've had at LFF. It may help you understand her better.
Be patient, and be understanding when she attacks verbally. I did this because I felt I needed to protect myself from people around me because I was tired of all my inperfections being pointed out and how God was going to harness me! UGGGHHH!!! She will probably even feel like God will attack her as well.
I'm not saying that you need to be a door mat at all cause really it is not ok for her to be on the constant defense and say mean and hurtful things but in the begining try and be understanding while letting her know that you are not attacking her but loving her for who she is!
So your sister is coming home for the reason many left Pullman in first place, lack of economic or educational opportunity in that small town. Every persons experience at LFF is different Just because you and your family and the majority of the people on this blog feel LFF has harmed them does not mean your sister will.
Love your sister and let her know that you love her and go from there. Let me give you an example of what I mean. I work in Law Enforcemt and have experienced things that the average citizen would say is traumatic. I have been under fire, seen dead people, seen people crying for Jesus after they got shot, held gunshot victims down on a gurney civil war style while a doctor worked on thier bullet wounds with no pain medication given, attended more gang funerals I can remember and etc, etc. Some people would come to me and ask if I was ok because in thier mind I had been through a traumatic event. The events they talked about may very well have been traumatic but if I am not traumatized by it, leave me alone.
If you treat your sister like she has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from going to LFF and she does not you will anger her and push her away. Dont assume she will be anything but your sister when she returns and go from there.
I hope your sister is doing ok and has found freedom from those who originally oppressed her.
Stumbled upon this. Thought you
guys might find it interesting.
http://uglypastoflivingfaithfellowship.blogspot.com/
Post a Comment