Thoughts...from the comment box

For me the simplest terms for the failure of the pastors at LFF is incredible arrogance and willful disregard for fellow humans. I believe the these two things have blinded them to the truth about themselves and what they have done. It has led them down a path where they have mistreated people and been part of a huge deception which involved ungodly relationships and the financial/administrative intergrity of the church leadership.

But, they still can't see it. They still don't get it. They still think they are right. They still think they understand and have answered all the people who have tried so hard, to tell them in so many ways, that these two issues have got to change. They still believe they have more integrity than all the rest of us. Even when we have watched and identified, to them, the lies.

There was/is a horrendous lack of humility about who they are and what capabilities they possess. Both the founding and current pastors (this refers to husband and wife teams) have a deeply ingrained belief that they possess more discernment, more wisdom, more skills and more compassion than the rest of the kingdom of God combined. I am not trying to be sarcastic. This is not an exaggeration about what they have stated about themselves. If you were there, you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, most of us were required to believe it, or at least submit to it (since it was not believable) in order to continue doing what we believed was "living for God".

Most spiritual insight, acute intellect, exceptional giftings or acts of kindness displayed by those beneath them had to be quickly quashed or shut down by their harsh criticism in order to keep people down under the "esteemed" roles of leaders.

Not to say encouragement didn't happen. If you were one of the "chosen" or if you were needed for some special project at hand you might receive some encouragement. Remember, I am talking about specific leaders. There was lots of encouragement among peers and friends. It wasn't a totally cold and hard place or none of us would've stayed.

Those with the courage to challenge the leaders or even ask innocent questions were also berated into submission or "squeezed out" of the fellowhip.

Because of this arrogance they never really submitted to any checks and balances for themselves. There were token balances of power presented to the congregation, but we did not know they were only "token" until much later.

These leaders also believed they "loved the deepest and the best" of anyone in the kingdom. Sadly, it's just not true. They were always amazed by the number of people who were hurt in their wake by their callous treatment inputed to those "under" them. They always answered in such a way to make the follower feel like they had sinned by being hurt. "You did not understand me or my heart or my wisdom" or "this is just how ministry training works."

Even though much has changed on the surface at LFF, and these are good changes, the two core issues haven't. The changes that have happened came more in a sense of acquiescing, "let's make it feel better and keep the people here". If these changes hadn't happened they would have lost the whole church at once, rather than the slow trickle now turning into a steady flow.

The amazing thing to me is that God has allowed them to remain blinded, deceived, or whatever word best describes it. They are sincere in their beliefs about themselves, their intentions and their actions. They really believe that we are a wicked web of disgruntled, back-biting, murmurers who don't have any merit and have turned our backs on them in their greatest time of need.

Incredibly, even in my own conversations with them (in the past year), they believe that "they"(LFF)are the only reason people have "become as good as they are" and that LFF doesn't get the "credit" they deserve for having "made these people who were nothing into something." They reminded me that I was included in the being "nothing" until they got ahold of me.

Well, I wasn't a nothing. I was a precious creation of God. A creation He delighted in. I was skilled, intelligent and great with people before LFF. A fallen creature, to be sure, but not one that lacked existence before my LFF experience. I was a Christian before. For those that got saved there, God could have used any instrument to draw you to Him. Know that LFF wasn't the key to your salvation, but His Spirit drawing you to Him was.

I think it is easier to identify what went wrong or is still wrong. But it is hard to put one answer out there for everyone who is hurting. There are many different types of experiences people had at LFF.

You have the PCS kids who didn't have a choice about growing up there. Their experience is very unique.

You have the parents who regret losing those child-rearing years and even some of the best years of their marriage.

You have those in the various mentoring/leadership programs.

You have those who were called "friends" by leadership and slaved for years to gain acceptance of those leadership "friends".

You have those men who were chosen by specific leaders for twisted soul relationships. These relationships warped even the marriages of those men to the point that their wives never fully owned their husbands in the way God intended.

You have those who were never high class enough to be acknowledged seriously by leadership but were valued for their labor.

There is not one pat answer to each group. I'm sure I don't have a complete list here. Some pain goes much deeper than others. Some can still relate to God, some can't. Some can forgive and just move on. Some can't. Some can leave LFF. Some can't. The problems are easy to see, the answers are not black and white. It does all stem from some disregard for fellow humans on some level.

Many of these people overlap into more than one group. These people served so faithfully, so willingly, so sacrificially, for so many years. They honestly loved each other very deeply. Yet they were made to feel they never quite cut it and still had so much sin and immaturity to get out of.

Many people gave everything. Yet these leaders still genuinely believe they have sacrificed more than anyone else. It's not a contest. I'm not trying to say who deserves what accolades. But for so many people to have poured out their lives and still be made to feel that all of this church mess is their fault and the leaders are innocent..... seems like the Bible holds the shepherds more accountable than the sheep.

I also need to say that all the hurt I may carry does not exempt me from my need for forgiveness and the precious blood of Christ. In the midst of the failure of these leaders, I was still a sinner who needed Jesus everyday. Still do. Not all of my problems stem from LFF.

In all fairness, maybe there is more understanding in the hearts of these leaders about what they have done. Maybe they have taken more responsibility before God. Maybe they see how they have treated those He gave them to care for. If this has happened, there will be evident fruit that follows such an understanding. There will be no question in any of our hearts if this ever happens. But, I can only hope and certainly can't stand around waiting for it.

Regardless, I want to live my life treating others with the dignity and respect they've earned just by being His creation. Beyond that to the greater commission, I want my life to reflect the great love He has for them to draw them to His salvation. I still want to stand before Him and hear Him say "Well Done".