lost
It hurt. But I needed you so I cried alone, held my breath and my tears…hoping you would never see my pain. I was too small to fight back, too innocent to know how. In time I learned not to fight back. Fighting only made it worse. You crushed my screams, robbed my innocence, and left me guilty for wanting you to stop.
I lie awake begging a voice I once heard to speak to me again with the clarity that my innocence once lent it. But you took my innocence and ignored my pleas. The bruises have faded and the wounds have healed but I can’t hide the scars you left. I can’t escape the haunting of your injustice.
If you have a heart, any at all, give back what you stole…my ability to trust. I would close my eyes tight and live through it all again if only, maybe just for a day, I could have that back.
6 comments:
i will never trust another pastor or religious leader again after LFF.
i grew up at lff. i read this and it crushed me. such a beautiful way to put into words the agony ive never been able to describe
i only went there one time, but the very spirit inside of me was sucked out by that place by the end of the service. i hate that any true believers should have to be subjected to that nonsense
i still hate those in lff leadership
i try not to hate, but sometimes it hurts too bad not to
This is not a rebuke for having feelings, but a heartfelt encouragment.
Matthew 6:14 says "For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well."
The hurt and the anger are valid, but don't hang on and let yet another thing come between you and what God has for you. Hate and unforgivness will only hurt you in the end by alienating you from God.
Also, to the first comment. I hope that you will be able to lay aside distrust someday. The church is the Bride of Christ, it was his idea. Granted there are vicious misrepresentations of the way the body functions (ie. LFF), however, the structure for fellowship, leadership and mentoring relationships within a church ARE biblical. Distrust will kill any relationship, and God has people out there who are part of a church that he wants to use to bless you and help you grow (and he will use you likewise/equally in their lives).
Try not to misassociate all the tainted 'lff lingo' with the real meanings of words. Bless can really mean bless, not manipulate and reward. I went there for a bit of time, so this isn't just an overpositive outsiders opinion.
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