Acceptance (via e-mail)

Here is some more e-mail.

For those of us who have experienced the abuse personally, this site has become more addictive than "Desperate Housewives." Every day I am lured to tune in to read the last episode of "Innocence Destroyed." Perhaps one of the contributors could write a screenplay and submit it to the producers of the annual Christmas production at LFF and call it The Grinch who stole Trust. I'll bet they wouldn't have to give tickets away for that one, in fact it might become a means of paying for their indebtedness. Theater is what they do best at LFF anyway. Everything was an act of some sort. The biggest and sorriest act was to tell you that they loved you. What they didn't tell you is that their love was conditional on performance and that translates into God's love for you is equally at risk.

In the last week since I discovered this blog, I have been overwhelmed by the pain described by many of you as you continue to have these trust issues. One of our greatest needs is to love and be loved and to manipulate someone by withholding that love is nothing short of witchcraft. I once heard a noted evangelist use the Galatians passage as the basis for this conclusion. (You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you?) "To bring under malign influence". This is what is clearly happening at LFF, to suck you into their control and influence by first telling you that they are your biggest fans (an actual quote), you are awesome and that they love you and then proceed to malign you by making you measure up to a standard set by the leadership to which you can never aspire. This includes church membership, the ultimate acceptance criteria. We were told that once you were a member, you would really begin to have friends. The only problem was that you needed better credentials to get into the Kingdom of LFF than the Kingdom of God.

The theatrics surrounding our interview for membership deserved an academy award by the "Vice Pastor". We were told how much we were loved and valued. The King & Queen themselves said we were a shoe-in for membership, we couldn't fail. After the usual interrogation, do you do crew, do you write in your spiritual notebook etc. (all very important criteria for membership into this elite body, mind you), the interrogator had to excuse himself for a minute and then came back with a sheet of paper as if he had just now discovered this in the bathroom or wherever he went. Lo and behold, it was our tithing record. Did we need foodstamps to survive? How could we possibly live on such a meager income? All of this in feigned surprise that we must be poverty stricken based on the amount we tithed. I don't know if he did the math in his head or if he had done the calculations well in advance of this meeting, ready to veto the deal at the last minute. After this the meeting was suddenly over. "Come back in one year".

My initial reaction was shame and then gratitude that they loved us so much, then came the overwhelming sense that we had been had, humiliated and rejected, in one gracious performance. Isn't this the greatest church in the world?

Since this site is devoted to healing, let me say that God is bigger than LFF and His love is unconditional. I have been so reassured by the comments submitted that in spite of the misrepresentation, bewitching and false love carried out by the leaders of LFF, they have not turned against God but in many cases have grown stronger in their relationship. We chose to start a house church where those who were affected and bruised could come and in a very non-institutional setting find acceptance and healing. In one of our talks, I gave 10 reasons to feel good about yourself in 2005. No. 4 in the list taken from Ephesians 1 was "I have been accepted in the beloved". I began to consider the implications of that statement in relation to what we experienced at LFF. I considered the example of printing up a brochure for my business. I can create images and layer them. I can send them to the back and lock them behind a cover layer. I can see the image through the first layer but I can't select it anymore to edit it. I am in the beloved like my name is in my brochure. I can see it but I can't mess with it. Only if I go behind the protective layers can I edit it's properties. I think that is similar to what the Holy Spirit does. Our name is sealed in the beloved and no one, not even the senior pastor can take it out.