My "Rebellion"
I hate how you stole the joy from my pursuit of God. I had pure intentions. At first the God I knew brought peace to my life. The God I knew was the same God that David knew in the Bible--a God of power and strength, one of understanding and love.
Somehow, you leaders at LFF, convinced me that God and LFF and your "vision for my life" were all the same thing, and all were in favor of guiding me to the same end. Somehow I ended up believing the lie that your impressions of my goals and behaviors were in line with God's. Where you get the audacity to play god to anyone I will never understand. How you have the confidence to stand there and speak as if you are speaking for Him in full knowledge of His full power is beyond me. It is heresy!!!
I loved to worship God. That was my passion and my reason for living. You took that away from me by putting stumbling blocks in my way that turned my passion into confusion. You tried to manipulate my passion for worship toward service of you and your systems. What was once a joy became a pain that not only hurt me emotionally but had a real physical effect through undue stress and related affliction.
I have usurped the authority you tried to take over me. I broke the hold of control that you had on my mind, my heart, my decisions and my emotion. The anger that drives me now is not anger at you and your putrid past influence but an indignation of intolerance toward your continued efforts to deceive and control. While I have escaped there are many still who fall victim to your sick system and your seduction.
My departure may have no effect on you whatsoever, but to me it is everything. I don't want to live my life as a testament to the destructive nature of LFF. To turn from God and claim your past influence as a reason would be giving you far more satisfaction than you really deserve. No, I will live the rest of my life with a trust in God and God alone. Never again will I trust a church system to take any part of what should be between God and I. I will live for God with a renewed devotion that has no basis in anything I ever learned from you. Instead I will live as a complete opposite of what you stand for.
Somehow, you leaders at LFF, convinced me that God and LFF and your "vision for my life" were all the same thing, and all were in favor of guiding me to the same end. Somehow I ended up believing the lie that your impressions of my goals and behaviors were in line with God's. Where you get the audacity to play god to anyone I will never understand. How you have the confidence to stand there and speak as if you are speaking for Him in full knowledge of His full power is beyond me. It is heresy!!!
I loved to worship God. That was my passion and my reason for living. You took that away from me by putting stumbling blocks in my way that turned my passion into confusion. You tried to manipulate my passion for worship toward service of you and your systems. What was once a joy became a pain that not only hurt me emotionally but had a real physical effect through undue stress and related affliction.
I have usurped the authority you tried to take over me. I broke the hold of control that you had on my mind, my heart, my decisions and my emotion. The anger that drives me now is not anger at you and your putrid past influence but an indignation of intolerance toward your continued efforts to deceive and control. While I have escaped there are many still who fall victim to your sick system and your seduction.
My departure may have no effect on you whatsoever, but to me it is everything. I don't want to live my life as a testament to the destructive nature of LFF. To turn from God and claim your past influence as a reason would be giving you far more satisfaction than you really deserve. No, I will live the rest of my life with a trust in God and God alone. Never again will I trust a church system to take any part of what should be between God and I. I will live for God with a renewed devotion that has no basis in anything I ever learned from you. Instead I will live as a complete opposite of what you stand for.
2 comments:
Wow!!! I have been hearing about this site but I finally got the URL. I stand with you all in this. Thank you for finally speaking up and getting the hurts of many out into the open. It is about time the silence that has accompanied this control ends. I am still attending LFF because I have close friends who still go there. But you are so right, it has become difficult to find God in church and the joy I once had has left me. I hope to someday recover that first love and I hope you all find the same. I will keep you in my prayers.
You said, "I will live for God with a renewed devotion that has no basis in anything I ever learned from you."
It's funny how that is so true. Since I left LFF I can honestly say that I haven't used anything I learned there in my daily walk with Christ.
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