a letter written but disregarded

To the Living Faith Fellowship Pastoral Staff:

I am writing today regarding the overlooked state of the union. It is my desire to be the voice of reason, to communicate the thoughts, frustrations, and opinions of the unrepresented and recently silenced masses. I apologize if it seems like I am stating the obvious, though if any of this is apparent, my concerns become even more momentous. Please bear with me as I struggle to find a place to begin.

It seems to me that the concerns and grievances of members here are being swept under the rug. Instead of addressing the hurt and confusion of members, a quick apology is offered up, followed by a serious lack of action. Once the apology is offered, the conscience of the offenders is cleared, while the damaged sheep is left with unanswered questions and a world of confusion. The member patiently waits for resolution to their concern, hoping for some small consolation in the imminent change they assumed would occur. However, there is no action, and in the lack of regard for whatever the concern, the original hurt is magnified like salt in a deepening wound. In an attempt to overcome this mounting pain; the member retreats ever-so-slightly looking for a broader perspective. This endeavor for a greater understanding of the issue at hand is quickly judged as rebellion and the member is seen as a “fringy sinner”.

As judgment is passed on the wounded party, things begin to escalate. Now not only is the member hurt and confused, they begin feel to the scorn of those they were hurt by. Just when it looks like this all-to-common scenario is has reached its’ impending climax; things take a drastic turn for the worse. Finally, after a seemingly eternal period of waiting and hurt the offended party once again seeks resolution to their problem. This time when they bring their problem to their leadership the events unfold in a very unusual way. Instead of apologizing and promising change a suggestion is made. “This is our church, if you don’t like the way we are running it, find another church.” What!? I am still struggling to figure out when and why any Christian with a basic understanding of the Bible would offer this as a solution.

It is mind boggling to me that a suggestion of abandonment would ever enter into the minds of those I am trusting to lead me. Now, not only is this a thought, it has actually been converted to speech; to advice that can easily be perceived by those receiving it as the “representative voice of God”. What is even more troubling is that this advice is being given to people who have as much, if not more invested here than those suggesting it. I fail to see the logic of this suggestion. Instead of working towards a solution, abdication is recommended; resembling water flowing down hill, the path of least resistance is chosen. Since when did the Bible ever suggest disagreement be resolved through desertion?

Okay, so perhaps a problem can be seen here and maybe it has. So what is the solution? Well the resolution of this lies in confrontation of the issues, and no matter how traumatizing, even though we hate it, change. Obvious? Yes. However, we have come up with something far more intelligent. Instead of changing our flawed actions, we have created a superior solution. Maybe through hours of thought, or possibly by some random whim or revelation, we produced “the covenant member”. Genius! Now we no longer are forced to offer the suggestion of abandonment to the confused, we have silenced them.

Through our newest creation we have opened up an overabundance of opportunities. Now we can preach blind faith, we can teach our members to forsake their own identities in order to seek belonging in a system that has turned its back on them. The only voice that can be uttered is the voice of agreement. Unfortunately, though it hurts, this is destined in failure. Not only have we created “the covenant member”, we have also created an environment that encourages uniformity. Though some would argue this is what Christ intended, have you ever seen an identical snowflake, or person for that matter. In our uniqueness, we express our creator, instead of blanket uniformity; He made each one of us different. So why do we try and contradict this? What benefit is there in urging our members to forsake that which they feel they hear from God? Instead, we ask them to subscribe only to our own ideals on God’s plan for just about everything. Disagree and you are forsaking your duty as a covenant member.

I hate to say it, but if we continue the policy of, shut up or leave, our ability to follow God’s direction for this church will become increasingly impaired. Sure it would be nice to have armor bearers, people who mindlessly follow their oversight, but how many more lives will we destroy on the way to this irrational goal. Once everyone is of one mind, once all balance has been removed from the equation, there is nothing standing between us and our demise.

A wise man (Solomon perhaps) once said there is safety in the council of many, and yet I feel this statement loses its validity if the council of many is the repetition of the thoughts of one. There is no longer a need for people to think for themselves; instead we have created a better system. Unfortunately, this is seriously flawed; control of the mind is a right that is reserved for God alone. This is a dangerous place to be and we seem to be making large strides further into this realm.

Not only have we silenced those we are responsible for, important decisions are being made without seeking the thoughts of anyone that might possibly disagree. People that have been chosen as key advisors, as the voice of wisdom, are left out of the loop. Policies that affect the entire congregation, and protect only the very top, are formed behind closed doors without the involvement of council. Forgive me if I am failing to see how this agrees with there being wisdom in the council of many. This brings to mind another Biblical example; perhaps you may remember the story of Solomon’s son. As you may recall, forsaking the involvement of wise council had some very serious consequences

It seems to me that those who do not readily agree are written off as problems. Instead we have opted for those who reinforce all that we say, whether or not there is anything right about it. Members that mindlessly follow are chosen for positions of leadership and this philosophy is reinforced. We are in danger of creating a church lead by a team of yes-men. I fail to see the benefit in this; there have already been victims of this system. If an example does not come to mind, let me help. Though I was not directly involved here I am still trying to see any logic involved and I am doing my best to clean up the glaring failures of our team. I hope the following opens our eyes to the discrepancies that resemble this in countless situations like the one chosen for illustration.

For several years now the CCF band has been made up of several core members. There were minor changes from semester to semester based mostly on perceived spirituality. Other decisions were made based on unsubstantiated rumors that were never taken to the parties in question. Instead these rumors were instantly believed, people with twenty plus years here were not even given a chance to defend themselves. We were even so bold as to question the Christianity of one member. Okay, so maybe these guys did not deserve our trust, I mean twenty years isn’t really that long. However, if we do not trust or support them then how dare we require them to support us. This seems elementary, and yet it appears something as simple as the golden rule has been overlooked here.

As leadership it is our duty to lead by example. So what is going on here? It is unfortunate that such a poor example of what was expected of these members was set for them. In fact it has lead to some serious consequences. We have crushed these delicate souls and hardened them towards a church that rejected them. It is sad to see them looking to find God beyond the church instead of in the church. Now they have been brushed aside to make way for a band that will do exactly as their told.

With no explanation to the former members they were replaced, and their band has a brand new leader. Experience and dedication here has been thrown out the window and replaced by a novice. Though we have had much teaching on how leaders are made in the dark after years of dedication and service we somehow forgot. Forget paying your dues, just agree with everything those over you tell you, appear super-spiritual and you can skip all the steps in the middle. You don’t even have to spend a semester or a year in the band with a little charm you can go straight to the top.

Sure it has always been said that God chooses the band. Yet, I don’t think God was consulted on this one. If He was then we must not have consulted Him on our countless teachings on leadership. Either way, something is not right here.

I would argue that the criteria for becoming new leadership are the favor and of superiors as well as being deemed worthy enough to be a leader. Once you have been selected as someone with leadership potential, doors begin to open all around you. However, fall from that elite status and you had better be prepared to reap the consequences. Your suggestions will begin to be seen as rebellion, and as you fall into this all too common downward spiral, confusion overtakes you. All you have been taught is brought into question, if there are obvious holes in some of it then you begin to wonder what else is wrong with it. As you seek to rectify this through meetings with oversight, you find yourself being pushed out of the place you have given so much of your life to. Years of service mean nothing; that which you have spent so much of your life trying to be a part of has suddenly rejected you.

As your mind is overwhelmed with questions the place you have always gone for answers wants nothing to do with you. Seeking God only brings more confusion, what He is telling you no longer lines up with what you are hearing from your oversight. Yet when you take what you hear from Him to his representatives they won’t even listen to you. Why? Because you have the stigma of a rebel, you are considered divisive, and all you say is interpreted through filters. Now there is no longer a desire for resolution, instead all that is seen are flaws. What is one to do when they are no longer heard, when those they have served for so long have rejected them, when all they hear from God is interpreted as heresy.

We are so quick to condemn our sheep; it is almost as if we get some sort of pleasure out of their failure. Members on our leadership team jump to conclusions about people they see as failures and once this opinion is formed there is no changing it. It is troubling that instead of serving those who are deemed as imperfect, we shun them. We quickly judge people, who make us uncomfortable, vowing to keep them from any leadership position.

Why are we so accepting of those that have invested the least here? We are quick to include them and yet those who have paid their dues are ridiculed. When we as leadership have problems with our sheep we are quick to place all the blame on them. When it is with the PCS students, it is all their fault and none of our own. When the flaws of the JCD program begin to surface, we quickly scold the JCD’s, for surely we have done nothing wrong. When our members, those we should be the most dedicated to, have concerns about the system we silence them. Instead of addressing the problem we shift the blame to our subordinates.

It seems that once people begin to ask questions about the discrepancies they are surrounded by, they are quickly viewed differently. We assume they have been corrupted by our token group of usual suspects and we try to warn them against associating with this growing crowd. However, the crowd continues to grow, more people are questioning that which does not quite sit right. Instead of approaching these people and listening to a perspective bigger then our own, we stamp them with our disapproval, and hint to those who will listen that these people cannot be trusted.

Logic would say that if so many people who have so much invested here are leaving, if the students in our school turn out no better than those at PHS, if our programs are failing, the problem is with us. It is so blatantly obvious and yet we continually seek to put the fault on all those around us. We are deceived here and when it comes to a solution we seek only that which pleases our ears. When someone says that everyone one should be armor bearers and do only what we feel is right, it must be God’s word. After all that sounds like the easiest solution, instead of changing ourselves, we can preach silence to everyone around.

Our church is emulating the kids that have been raised here. For so long we have taught our children the importance of appearance. Good character and proper behavior were demanded, yet that is all the deeper we went. We have raised perfect liars who only conform behaviorally while underneath there are still problems. In the same way the changes we are making here are mostly for appearance. While we appear to be less controlling of our members, the fact is the control remains. The spirit of control is very much alive, through pressure and mind games, we elicit unreturned support from our members. It is shocking to me that we have taught MIRROR 1, 2, and 3 and yet we shamelessly manipulate people with our guilt trips and stories of being drained from ministry situations that go all night.

As long as we insist on controlling members, as long as we snuff the spirit of freedom, God will not fill our balconies. We have systematized things so much that we no longer have a need for God. We have a policy on everything imaginable the only way these policies are bent is to expedite the promotion of those who find our special favor. In Jesus there is freedom, yet it is very difficult to find this freedom at one of our services. Instead we have a meticulously scripted order of events that defies change; there is no room for God. Our church is in desperate need of a fresh breath of life from Him.

Are we afraid of letting God show up at our services? Does the thought of Him being in control frighten us? We have become so procedural that we have forgotten the reason we exist. I would venture to say that if Jesus walked into one of our services we would quickly stick an usher on Him; we would do everything in our power to keep Him off our stage and away from our microphones. We have become like the religious leaders of the New Testament, we have become so concerned about appearance and following the law, it has blinded us from Jesus Himself. When Jesus walked the earth He extended compassion and grace to the filthiest of sinners, His only harsh words were for the self-righteous, religious people of His day. If He were to come back now, things would probably be the same and sadly we would be the modern day recipients of the anger He displayed toward the Pharisees.

Throughout history, God has used the most unlikely candidates to usher in His change. The people God chose were vastly unpopular in the religious community; I think some of these people exist in our church. It is sad that we have attempted to silence them; we have labeled them as rebels and shut every door of opportunity to them. Instead of helping our own flourish and follow God’s plan for their life, we have stifled them. We have caused our own to stumble, fortunately for us, millstones are not as common as they used to be. If we, as God’s anointed leadership, feel the plan God reveals to one of our sheep is not in fact God’s plan for them we attempt to steer them in a new direction. Through our damage control, and obvious, manipulative hints we construct a new path for our sheep, one that makes us more comfortable. If they do not follow this path, the aforementioned pattern begins and the former member is squeezed as if they were a blemish to our flock.

We need to change completely, it is time we fell on the Rock, lest we ourselves are crushed. How long can we fail to see our glaring faults? How long will we shift the blame onto those who went before us, or onto those we are called to nourish and serve? I cannot stand by and let this happen. I have tried many different approaches to halt our slide down this slippery slope. However, it seems that I have fallen from grace, that which I say is no longer taken at face value. The lines of communication between shepherd and sheep are now one way and I am forced to revert to alternate methods. I apologize for writing from the voice of anonymity, yet given the state of things, this now appears to be the only method acceptable. I hope all that I have said will be taken into consideration and not ruled as the voice of Satan speaking through some cynical rebel.

I am in no way attempting to be critical or to judge our failures. I just think that which I have said needs to be brought to light. I pray we can turn things around and move into a brighter future. I want desperately to see us reach our potential. I hope that even though the suggestion of leaving has been made to me; the changes we make will allow me to fulfill my desire of continued involvement. God bless you as you consider the above, I beg you to act upon it and not disregard that which has been expressed on the behalf of many.